I'm horrendous at keeping up with this thing but I kind of like knowing that it's always here in case I need to dump all of my thoughts somewhere other than my journals, the margins of my notes during class, or even sometimes on my arms when I'm absent minded and out of paper to doodle upon.
A whole year has gone by since I last posted on this blog.
And a whole lot has happened, naturally.
I finished my first year of college, my family bought a place in Chicago ( which has been a dream of mine to finally get to explore this city that my family is so deeply rooted in ), I spent my last summer at camp, I got fired from camp ( oops ), I moved into my first apartment, got dumped by my first real boyfriend, completed my teenage years, and was cast in not only 1, but 3 plays this semester.
Being 20 is fun and cliche and all sorts of sitcom-y. I feel like the center of the universe and completely insignificant all at the same time, which I think is sometimes a good thing? It's just like being a toddler all over again- stumbling and falling and getting bruised and scared but with a sense of invincibility that often overshadows my common sense. It's messy and unstable and I think it's really really good for me.
I've been sad for so long, and I'm still sad. But I think that with finally settling into this new phase of my life I'm learning a lot about me, and it's making me happier. I found a love for planners and organization. I've developed a sense of confidence with first impressions and my ability to promote myself. I've found friends that are genuine and teachers that don't allow me to fly by the seat of my pants.
At the beginning of last summer I legitimately thought that I wouldn't make it to 20.
But boy am I glad that I did.
At the turn of the new year people often say things like "2017 be kind, be better, be forgiving"
But I think I'm gonna stop asking things like that of the year and ask it of myself instead.
I want to be kind and better and forgiving. Happy. Involved. Present.
2017 will be what it is. But I will be what I choose to be.
So that's pretty neat, if you ask me.
