November 26 2015

Today is a day that is filled with encouraging words, gratitude, and way too much food.

And, often, Thanksgiving is one of those family holidays where everyone tends to tiptoe around the bad things that happen in our every day lives to focus on things such as saying encouraging words, being thankful, and eating food.

While I was scrolling through Tumblr during my post-dinner laziness, I saw something that caught my eye and I decided to not sweep it under the rug for the sake of a Hallmark worthy holiday.

I want to preface this all with this: I'm not upset while writing this at all. I found an odd sort of... peace with the ultimatum that the quote gave me. Anyways.. the post read:

"Every 7 years, the cells in your entire body will be destroyed and replaced with new cells. One day I will have a body you will have never touched"

Whoever wrote this had their own reason for doing so, and I commend them for being so brave.
Whether they are mourning the loss of a relationship and realizing that things don't last forever, or they wrote it as a coping mechanism... I applaud their ability to look forward. Something that I am awful at doing myself.

This quote to me gives me a sort of finish line, as morbid as that may sound.

Though I don't plan on taking 7 years to sort through all the emotions and realizations I've had in the past 7 months, I find comfort in the fact that there is an expiration date on any sort of physical remain between me and the three of you.

I know that this sounds super morbid, and borderline dramatic. I kind of thought it was ridiculous the first time that I read it through myself. But after thinking about it, I really do appreciate the fact that there will be a time where, physically speaking, there will be no part of me that they will have touched.

I'm more than confident that 7 years from now I'll be able to fall asleep the night of the 3rd to the 4th of every month. I won't cringe when I get invited to a bonfire, sit in the middle of the backseat of a car, or get invited somewhere by someone that I'm only kind of friends with.

In the past 7 months I've gotten better about staying calm and trusting people and realizing that it wasn't my fault. I'm realizing that it's normal not to be okay 100 percent of the time, but that it's also normal to catch myself feeling okay. I'm letting myself love a boy who loves me- I'm getting better about not feeling too broken for him to love me.

I've come a long way in the last 7 months - so I know that 7 years will only be filled with more statements like "Getting better" and "Learning to"... and, again, it may sound a bit morbid but... it can only go up from here?

And once these 7 years are over my body will be 100 percent free of any trace you boys would have left on me. My skin won't know any of yours and that is the finish line I can't wait to cross. Emotionally I will be so beyond what you've all done that I might not even realize that its physically (and finally) over because I will have had 7 years to get better, smarter, and stronger than you cruel and disgusting boys could ever hope to be.

So today I expressed my unbelievable gratitude for my friends, family, and boyfriend.

I read some very encouraging words from this anonymous author.

And ate way (way) too much food.